Intrusive Thoughts

If you've had any deep experiences with anxiety and its many side effects, I'm sure by now you are familiar with intrusive thoughts. If you are not familiar with its name, let me explain it to you. Intrusive thoughts are those nagging thoughts that come out of nowhere and seem totally out of character for you to be thinking. Majority of the time, these thoughts are sexual in nature, but in a deviant or perversive kind of way, thoughts that would normally leave you disgusted if you'd heard them from someone else and disgusted with yourself if the thought ever came to mind. You can have other thoughts too, more commonly the ones where you feel as if you are going to lose control or you really are crazy and are just suppressing it, things like that. Are you on level with me now? Some are even sacrilegious (sp?) in nature, which can be especially traumatizing to those whose spirituality or religion are an important part of their lives. If you were familiar with the thoughts but weren't sure what was wrong and automatically believed that because you were capable of those thought processes that you were obviously capable of carrying them out as well, I am very very happy to tell you that you are wrong. Those, kiddos, are simply intrusive thoughts and not only are not true at all, but they are treatable and can be eliminated with some work.

I know when I first started this blog that I said I didn't know why I was still battling anxiety; it seemed pointless because I'd learned all I needed to know. I'd like to be the very first to admit that I was so very wrong about that. In the past two, almost three years that I have been writing this blog, I have learned more about my condition than in the past 8 that I've had the disorder to begin with. This has truly been an eye-opening time for me and I have been happy to share it with you all. Actually, this blog has opened alot of doors to the information I ended up learning, because I was so determined to find information that was free and worked, and I almost always ended up stumbling across something that I found profitable for myself as well. Sometimes I wouldn't have anything personal to contribute but I wanted to post, so I'd go looking for information or new sites that maybe I could pass along, and I always found not only a good topic for the blog but some information for myself that ended up helping me along the way. So I'd like to say that even if you've been battling this for as long as I have, its never ever too late to learn more about this condition. Now that anxiety has become a household name and disorder because so many people are affected by it, new things, new sites, resources and information pop up all the time. Please don't shut yourself off to it like I did by thinking you know all there is to know about anxiety. This disorder is finally starting to get some of the attention it has always deserved, even if its not getting taken as seriously as it should just yet. Ten years ago doctors were calling it a crazy person's disease, and now over 6 million Americans alone have been diagnosed with the disorder. That's not counting those who have not been formally diagnosed with it or one of the related disorders. That's progress, folks. Progress that we have waited a long time in the dark to make. With that said, always leave your mind and your ears open to finding out more about what we are going through, even if it doesn't apply to you personally. You may end up finding someone later in life who is right where you are now, just as scared as you were before. They'll need the informed opinion that we didn't have and you can give it to them. By then it is my hope that you'll be 100% healed and recovered and ready to be a help to another anxious body in need of some comfort and peace. Okay, sappy part of the blog done. lol

Back to topic...

Intrusive thoughts are a common side effect of anxiety, although it is less discussed than the others due to the nature of the thoughts. They cause shame, disgust, worry and more anxiety in the person because of what the thoughts are about, so it is not easy to open up and talk about them with your doctor or therapist; sometimes its hard just to admit the thoughts are there to oneself because they're so disgusting. No, having these thoughts does NOT mean that you will do them or that you even want to. It's tempting to give into that thought, but let's break that down. Child molesters, rapists, murderers, sodomists, even true insane people--they all have their own set of disturbing thoughts. The difference is, they aren't disgusted by them. There are some who say they commit the act to rid themselves of the thought, but the desire was already there in addition to said thoughts. Ours are very different. The thought in a general sense turns our stomachs. To put ourselves in the category that these thoughts would put us in has some of us ready for suicide to think that we'd be capable of such a thing or that these so-called hidden desires are finally coming to the surface. Not true at all. Its our reaction to them that should set us off immediately to the fact that those thoughts are not only unwelcomed, but untrue. However, the severity of the nature of said thoughts allows us to overlook it and focus just on what the thought is running through our head, not our reaction to it.

Notice how the thought or thoughts run through your head seemingly on repeat or like its on a LED monitor's scrollboard and the more you focus on it or give it attention the larger the thought grows and your anxiety grows with it at the concept that you are somehow this horrible person underneath everything else? That's how intrusive thoughts work. They repeat themselves and you begin to obsess over them, allowing the thought to grow larger and take root in your head. Then all the fears and worries come as a result, what if you really are like these thoughts you just had, what if you can't control yourself and you carry out these thoughts, will everyone see the person you really are because you have these thoughts, you start feeling like a fraud in front of others as a result, its a neverending chain of bad thoughts, fear and shame. Don't give into the shame and degradation that you'll feel; it only allows the thought to grow and take root in your mind. Here is what you do. Embrace it. I know you're like, what the hell? Why would I do that? That means I am accepting of these thoughts. No, you're not. You're not accepting that you are like these thoughts are suggesting, that you are going to do the things the thoughts are suggesting or even that you agree or particularly like these thoughts. It's obvious that because the thoughts are distressing you and causing you grief that you don't like or agree with them, so stop worrying. Remind yourself that if you were really inclined to such things, you wouldn't have any problem thinking about it. If you have a problem with it, that means its not something you want to do and it is therefore just an intrusive thought. I don't mean embrace the thought or the feeling that comes with it, I just mean embrace its presence. Acknowledge the thought, then start talking logic to yourself. Acknowledge that the thought is there, then leave it alone. Any further attention that you give it will allow it to grow, which will only cause you more distress at making the thought go away. Acknowledge the thought, speak logic to yourself, then find something productive to do and LET yourself become distracted by the activity. Fighting the thought being there will only allow it to remain because of the energy you're taking up to fight it being there in the first place. Let it stay, but don't give it any more attention than the initial "Okay, I know what you are" or you'll end up in the same spot again, anxious and overanalyzing your character, which is more distressing in itself. After awhile, you will be very pleasantly surprised to realize that the thought has gone away. I even tried beckoning the thought back after I was calm again just to see and realized the issue was so much more laughable when logic was the primary functioner in my mind as opposed to my anxious mind. Sometimes it'll go away after a few minutes, the more stubborn ones can take a little longer. Either way, it'll go away so don't be alarmed, and don't doubt yourself or your character. Don't let this beat you, guys. I can overcome intrusive thoughts and so can you.